I put myself in their position. I try to see what it was like being in that situation, at that time, at that moment and with the circumstances they were dealing with. You know what happen to them, you know the outcome. But it's still hard to let go and to not put yourself in their shoes. You want to be able to feel how they felt, to see what they saw and to ask them questions.
I remember sitting by their side, thinking what went wrong? What happen so bad, that the outcome resulted in this? But than others, I sat by their side thinking wow what a great life you had. How did you manage to pack so much into a lifetime? I wish I could have had more time with you or I wish I could have met you in person. I was told stories by family members of the type of person you were, the funny things you said and did as a child and as you grew up. I remember praying that some part of you was still in me. Some trait that would definitely define who I am today.
My career is to research family history. It's not only my career, but it's also deep in my heart. I close my eyes and imagine being with you at that moment in time. I grieve with you, when you lost your loved one in the Civil War. I remember tears quickly filled my eyes when I imagined you crying when they told you your son was killed in a war. I pictured you holding the American Flag so tight to your chest. I grieved with you when you lost your loved one in the fire. I felt your joy when your wife gave you a new baby boy or baby girl. I felt your pain when your wife died during labor. I felt your uneasiness while traveling from Virginia to Kentucky in the early 1800's. I felt how scary and sad it was to leave your family behind and to move on with your husband and children.
I remember tears flowing down my cheeks when you couldn't travel back home to attend your parents funeral. I feel the pain you felt during different trials in your life, I remember wishing I could have been there to comfort you.
I wonder if you were here today if you would think I look like you, I wonder if you would be proud of me? I wonder if you would say "wow, I used to do the same thing."
I research and my heart sinks in to every aspect of your life. Whether you're a grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, I still wonder about you and the life you lived. Sometimes it breaks my heart when I try to be apart of your life and I know the torture you went through. Or the tragic death you had or the tragic death of a loved one that you had to witness, or grieve for. When I sit by your headstone at the cemetery, I want you to know that although I may have never met you or you left my life too soon, my heart is still apart of you. I carry the same pain, the same happiness, the same moments you carried. That's why I continue to research about your life. So I can share it with others. So they too, can take a walk through a history that they may or may not have been a part of. So they can share the heart of a family member that shaped and formed the path that their lives have taken. Did a choice you made in the past, affect our family history? Did it affect the choices we make?
You're in my heart and always a part of who I am today!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Prayer...
As ya'll know I work with the teens at our church. Each morning, I'll take their prayer requests and their praise reports, than we'll start our lesson. I absolutely love working with the Teens because there's never a dull moment and I learn so much from them. When telling us what their prayer requests are, they're very open and honest with us. And in the years I've been doing this, you would be amazed at the very open and honest prayer requests we get.
These Teens take their prayer request, share with them with us and they give them to God. You listen to the prayer request and if you're a stranger to these Teens you might say "well, good grief that ain't no prayer request, there's nothing to it." But my Teens have learned that no matter what the prayer request, no matter how big or small. They know that God does hear their requests and in His will, will take care of them.
The Teens have also learned that it doesn't have to be about health issues, prayers for others all the time. They learned that it can be about events happening in their lives, things in school (grades, problems w/ classmates, teachers), things at home or just things. They know that whatever is in their heart that they feel the need for prayers for, they can come to God with the requests.
The prayer requests are different for guys and ladies. I found that alot of the time, the ladies will request prayers for sport events and health. Like several of the Teen ladies are participating in track and soccer. Their requests are usually to do good in their games/meets. One of the ladies requested that she get her resume done so she can find a job for this summer, she'll start college in the Fall. The Teen guys usually have requests for vehicles. Like one requested that his truck pass inspection this week, the other's requested that their derby cars get done in time for the derby this weekend.
To us these may be small and unusual requests. But to these teenagers, this is what's in their lives right now. That's what they need help with most. You have to understand...these teenagers are putting their full faith in God, they're taking every part of their lives and trusting that God will be there and God will have His will in their lives. They're not expecting God to zap a magical wand down and say your wish is granted. They know, it's God's will, not theirs.
What I've learned from them is God doesn't judge our prayers. He listens and has His will for them. I used to only pray about "important" things. Now I pray for about the tiniest things and huge things. They're belief and faith in prayer is so incredible to me. They know that their God is an Awesome God. They know that He is there for them 24/7. Whether it's a prayer about their family, friends, car, truck, homework, track meet, health needs or a date. They know He's there listening and guiding them. What an incredible testimony all these teens have.
Alot of people don't give teens enough credit. What more could you want? A teen with a big heart and the faith to match! I have such a big heart for teens and their willingness to put all their hopes, dreams, faults and everything about them on the line just to show God how much they love and trust Him. That is incredible in itself.
These Teens take their prayer request, share with them with us and they give them to God. You listen to the prayer request and if you're a stranger to these Teens you might say "well, good grief that ain't no prayer request, there's nothing to it." But my Teens have learned that no matter what the prayer request, no matter how big or small. They know that God does hear their requests and in His will, will take care of them.
The Teens have also learned that it doesn't have to be about health issues, prayers for others all the time. They learned that it can be about events happening in their lives, things in school (grades, problems w/ classmates, teachers), things at home or just things. They know that whatever is in their heart that they feel the need for prayers for, they can come to God with the requests.
The prayer requests are different for guys and ladies. I found that alot of the time, the ladies will request prayers for sport events and health. Like several of the Teen ladies are participating in track and soccer. Their requests are usually to do good in their games/meets. One of the ladies requested that she get her resume done so she can find a job for this summer, she'll start college in the Fall. The Teen guys usually have requests for vehicles. Like one requested that his truck pass inspection this week, the other's requested that their derby cars get done in time for the derby this weekend.
To us these may be small and unusual requests. But to these teenagers, this is what's in their lives right now. That's what they need help with most. You have to understand...these teenagers are putting their full faith in God, they're taking every part of their lives and trusting that God will be there and God will have His will in their lives. They're not expecting God to zap a magical wand down and say your wish is granted. They know, it's God's will, not theirs.
What I've learned from them is God doesn't judge our prayers. He listens and has His will for them. I used to only pray about "important" things. Now I pray for about the tiniest things and huge things. They're belief and faith in prayer is so incredible to me. They know that their God is an Awesome God. They know that He is there for them 24/7. Whether it's a prayer about their family, friends, car, truck, homework, track meet, health needs or a date. They know He's there listening and guiding them. What an incredible testimony all these teens have.
Alot of people don't give teens enough credit. What more could you want? A teen with a big heart and the faith to match! I have such a big heart for teens and their willingness to put all their hopes, dreams, faults and everything about them on the line just to show God how much they love and trust Him. That is incredible in itself.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Psalm 118:24, 28
Today, well actually these past two weeks have been a few weeks that I'd like to forget. You know that kind of day or week when you just want to run in your bathroom, lock the door, sit in the tub and cry. I haven't done that yet, but I sure want to. Since I'm always on the go....my "crying place" is my van. It seems in every one's life when it rains, it pours. And if you ask anyone in this area...it sure ain't the rain that's pouring.
There's too much sickness to deal with, there's money issues to deal with, there's irate family members to deal with and kids just doing odd things. I must say my kids are pushing every button I have and I don't have many left to push. My daughter and I pick on each other all the time because she never stops talking and I never stop singing. When I'm doing stuff....I sing constantly. And she likes to come up to me and pretend like she's pushing a button on my arm. She calls it the "off button". I jokingly tell her I don't have an off button. Sometimes I wish life had an off button or atleast a "pause" button so you can collect your thoughts.
The past few weeks I've repeatedly (and regretfully) said "I hate this day". I even said it today and I text my husband and told him. All the while having tears running down my face. I've tried the psychological approach of "well others have it much worse, look at the people with cancer, those who just lost loved ones, etc" and that helps a little for a little bit. But selfish me....it all comes back to why I hate this day.
What happens every time I say that? Well, I get a little "nudge" or "feeling" from God. And God tells me "Hey, I made this day, I made everything, you should be happy in this day." Oh yes, He's right, Psalm 118:24 tells us "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it". What more could you want? I know, I know, I'm very selfish when I say that and I would hate to hear my kids say that. Because it is a beautiful day. It can be snow on the ground, thundering & lightning, hotter than a blue blaze or colder than Greenland...but its still a beautiful day and I should be happy in it. Whatever's going wrong in my life in any moment. I should still rejoice and praise God. Psalm 118:28 says "Thou art my God, and I will praise thee: thou art my God, I will exalt thee." We have to remember these trials we're going through will only make us stronger (as my Pastor says).
Sometimes I just want to leave and run away from the world. Praising God in hard times isn't the easiest thing to do. You'd rather sit and feel sorry for yourself. But He always, always, always deserves our praises. Everything we do is to glorify God, not ourselves. If we're sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves...then we're putting the glory God deserves, on us. And honestly, do we want to steal God's glory? I sure don't. So for today, I rest my case of how insane my life is right now. Today, I will praise God for all He's done in my life, my families lives and my friends lives. Tomorrow I will wake up refreshed, praising God in a way that He deserves. And I will be glad and rejoice in another day He has given me.
There's too much sickness to deal with, there's money issues to deal with, there's irate family members to deal with and kids just doing odd things. I must say my kids are pushing every button I have and I don't have many left to push. My daughter and I pick on each other all the time because she never stops talking and I never stop singing. When I'm doing stuff....I sing constantly. And she likes to come up to me and pretend like she's pushing a button on my arm. She calls it the "off button". I jokingly tell her I don't have an off button. Sometimes I wish life had an off button or atleast a "pause" button so you can collect your thoughts.
The past few weeks I've repeatedly (and regretfully) said "I hate this day". I even said it today and I text my husband and told him. All the while having tears running down my face. I've tried the psychological approach of "well others have it much worse, look at the people with cancer, those who just lost loved ones, etc" and that helps a little for a little bit. But selfish me....it all comes back to why I hate this day.
What happens every time I say that? Well, I get a little "nudge" or "feeling" from God. And God tells me "Hey, I made this day, I made everything, you should be happy in this day." Oh yes, He's right, Psalm 118:24 tells us "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it". What more could you want? I know, I know, I'm very selfish when I say that and I would hate to hear my kids say that. Because it is a beautiful day. It can be snow on the ground, thundering & lightning, hotter than a blue blaze or colder than Greenland...but its still a beautiful day and I should be happy in it. Whatever's going wrong in my life in any moment. I should still rejoice and praise God. Psalm 118:28 says "Thou art my God, and I will praise thee: thou art my God, I will exalt thee." We have to remember these trials we're going through will only make us stronger (as my Pastor says).
Sometimes I just want to leave and run away from the world. Praising God in hard times isn't the easiest thing to do. You'd rather sit and feel sorry for yourself. But He always, always, always deserves our praises. Everything we do is to glorify God, not ourselves. If we're sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves...then we're putting the glory God deserves, on us. And honestly, do we want to steal God's glory? I sure don't. So for today, I rest my case of how insane my life is right now. Today, I will praise God for all He's done in my life, my families lives and my friends lives. Tomorrow I will wake up refreshed, praising God in a way that He deserves. And I will be glad and rejoice in another day He has given me.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Freedom Baptist Church
My Pastor has a new blog up for our church, I hope you'll go check it out.
He did a great job. Also below is our church website link.
Spring and Demolition Derbies
As you know from previous posts that our family is deeply involved in Demolition Derbies. And that's just not my immediate family, that's the extended family too and our friends. When Spring rolls around, we start to hear the roar of Demolition Derby Cars. Awww, what a sound! To some it might be a sound that you want to run and put ear plugs in. But to us, it's the first sign of Spring and Summer.
Our first derby of the season is at the Rockingham County Fairgrounds in Harrisonburg, Virginia. April 25th, 2009 at 4:pm. My son, brother, cousins and friends will be in this derby. Mangled Metal Productions is hosting this derby. If you recall last April they hosted one near Winchester, Virginia. This year they are coming down here. So it's still in the Valley just a little closer to us. But they did an extraordinary job and we were very happy with how everything was handled and quickly moved along. So we are very excited and look forward to this derby.
During the 'derby season' you'll always know where to find derby car drivers....faithfully working on their cars. After church, my son heads down to my brothers house to help them work on their cars and work on his own. They have such an adrenalin rush while their working on their cars, once their cars are ready and the biggest deal...before, during and after the derby. You cant get these guys to hold still during this time. It's so fun to watch them. They all have such an incredible passion for this and it's an awesome site to see.
Come join us at the derby in a few weeks!! It's awesome family fun and I guarantee you, you wont regret it!!
**please note, I do not or ever have worked for Mangled Metal Productions**
Our first derby of the season is at the Rockingham County Fairgrounds in Harrisonburg, Virginia. April 25th, 2009 at 4:pm. My son, brother, cousins and friends will be in this derby. Mangled Metal Productions is hosting this derby. If you recall last April they hosted one near Winchester, Virginia. This year they are coming down here. So it's still in the Valley just a little closer to us. But they did an extraordinary job and we were very happy with how everything was handled and quickly moved along. So we are very excited and look forward to this derby.
During the 'derby season' you'll always know where to find derby car drivers....faithfully working on their cars. After church, my son heads down to my brothers house to help them work on their cars and work on his own. They have such an adrenalin rush while their working on their cars, once their cars are ready and the biggest deal...before, during and after the derby. You cant get these guys to hold still during this time. It's so fun to watch them. They all have such an incredible passion for this and it's an awesome site to see.
Come join us at the derby in a few weeks!! It's awesome family fun and I guarantee you, you wont regret it!!
**please note, I do not or ever have worked for Mangled Metal Productions**
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